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Disgruntled music fan launches petition to ban tech-house

“It is offensive to any form of musicality”...

“I would rather listen to one of those hard house records you get with a second hand pair of technics in one ear and a pile driver being inserted in the other than tech house.”

Those are the words of Jeremy Cocks a self-described “elitist prick” who has started a petition to ban all tech-house.

He’s so fed up with the much maligned genre that he’s sending his petition to the UN via in the hope that they will ban the genre.

It’s clear that Cocks does have some valid points, especially when he describes the genre as having “no indistinguishable qualities” but it’s also quite clear that the petition is also some first-rate trolling.

“I would rather be stuck in a lift with Rosie O’Donnell and the whole cast of Loose Women after a bad curry than at a tech house gig,” he adds.

At the end of the petition’s diatribe, Cocks admits that he’s a single man who can’t get a girlfriend and gets angry over people’s musical preferences and spends too much time online shitposting and being sad.

If you believe that tech-house should be banned, or you just need a good laugh — you can sign the petition yourself here.

It has since been revealed that Cocks created the petition for a bet with his friend to see whether he could goad the dance music media into “shitposting extremities”.

We are here to serve, Jeremy.

And just for you Jeremy here's Solardo's tech-house set from our Best of British party last year.